Why I Stopped Wearing Makeup

Last August I took a trip with my husband and two kids to visit my side of the family in California. It was during this trip that I stopped wearing makeup, as a kind of experiment. I had been questioning the reasons behind makeup for months now (why women wear it, why I wore it) and I decided that I wanted to see if I could go makeupless and still remain confident in myself.

It all started my first morning in California when I woke up and went for a run without makeup...for the first time EVER. It was amazingly freeing; I loved the feeling of just being myself. But as I passed others, I wondered if they cringed with embarrassment for me.

I ran along the beach, and out onto a pier going over the ocean. I stopped and gazed toward the horizon as the sun rose. It was amazing how far I could see (compared to living in the middle of a forest here in Virginia). I watched the blue-green waves crash on the sand. I listened to the seagulls all around me. I felt the warmth of the sun on my sweaty skin. And as I stood there, in awe of the beauty of this world, I felt all at once, that I was beautiful too because God created me, and He doesn't make mistakes.

As I ran back down the pier, something had changed inside me. I took several pictures of my makeupless face on the way home, and as I reviewed the pictures, I saw myself through new eyes.

I was beautiful just the way God made me. Why had this taken me so long to realize?

I got back to the hotel, and as I started getting ready for the day, I discovered that my mascara was somehow missing. I didn't mind much, because the idea had already taken shape in my mind to go without makeup that day. But still, having the mascara in my hand "just in case" would have been a bit more reassuring. I discussed my thoughts with my husband, and he immediately encouraged me to forget the mascara and do it. I shouldn't have been so surprised by his enthusiastic support of this endeavor, because he always tells me I don't need makeup. But this time, I actually believed him. (Maybe because I had begun to believe it myself....)

So I went a day without makeup, in a place far from home, with people I was never going to see again (besides my family, who were the only people I knew would love me no matter what, so I felt perfectly safe around them). It was the perfect setting for this experiment. I walked around the town, feeling almost naked, yet at the same time enjoying simply being myself.

Throughout the day, I had many questions rolling around in my head: Why have I always felt that my natural face isn't good enough to show in public? Is it because the world tells me I need to darken my eyes in order to be beautiful, to fit in? That, because of my light eye lashes and red hair, I'm not truly beautiful unless I'm wearing makeup? Why am I still listening to the world?

I had stopped following society's expected "way of life" on so many other issues: birthing at home vs. in the hospital, natural health/healing vs. trusting medical doctors, educating my own children vs. turning them over to the government's "conveyor belt" public school system, eating whole foods vs. the Standard American Diet (SAD), etc. I decided I was done following the crowd with this ridiculous mask-wearing, changing-who-you-are-to-fit-in mentality. Why should I care what society thinks of me? All that matters is what God thinks. "That's it," I thought. I was done with makeup.

Five months later, and I still haven't gone back to makeup (besides for our family pictures and Halloween). One of the greatest benefits has been that I don't obsess about my appearance anymore. I am who I am. My face doesn't change depending on the weather (sweat or rain), so I don't need to worry about how my makeup looks: it is simply always me. And although during the first few months it was harder to see my face as beautiful (I had spent 17 years looking at myself with makeup), I love it now.

I admit, initially it was hard to go to church without makeup. But I just couldn't bring myself to put it on. Why should I change my face when I'm going to worship God? So that I can impress those around me? That doesn't make sense. So I look "nicer?" That's why I used to think I was wearing makeup to church--to look nice, to look closer to the "ideal" of what a Mormon wife and mother should look like. And of course, to not humiliate myself by showing up with my bare face, heaven forbid! But after my "revelation" on the beach, I don't care what others think of me. If they think less of me, that's not my problem. Why should I live my life always trying to please other people? Isn't it more important to be true to myself, true to who I really am as a child of God, and to see my true beauty as He sees me, instead of playing the world's game of "Who Can Be the Most Beautiful (But Here Is The Standard, And By The Way It's Impossible To Achieve)"?

Too many women live their lives feeling inadequate. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, body image issues, the list goes on and on. I believe makeup is not helping these issues, it is making them worse. Makeup confuses people about what is beautiful and messes up the natural beauty scale. When makeup is used, a woman's beauty is easily measured by how good her makeup looks, not who she truly is inside. So if someone doesn't put on makeup one day, they are not as beautiful? How messed up is this?

What if we all stopped wearing makeup? I imagine the truly beautiful people would radiate light and brightness and love. On the flip side, there would be nothing to hide our ugliness if that's who we are inside. But maybe that would inspire people to clean up their inner selves (including working on their physical health and fitness), so that they would be able to radiate more light and become more beautiful, instead of relying on makeup to do it for them. If anything, a makeup free society would help people to accept their natural bodies, instead of encouraging women to live their whole lives thinking that their true bodies are not beautiful unless changed.

As much as I would love for all women to stop wearing makeup so that we can experience this utopian ideal where true beauty is the only kind of beauty, I realize this is not realistic. In this day and age, women and men are bombarded with messages from the media of what a beautiful woman should look like. It seems impossible to break free from internalizing this ideal. I don't expect anyone reading this to stop wearing makeup. Or even to think twice tomorrow about wearing it or not. I personally never thought I could go without makeup. After all, I couldn't even go for a run without it, let alone stop wearing it altogether.

But somehow... I just did.